a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
