Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
