if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
