That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
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I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
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I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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