I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
