Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
