She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
