whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
