dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize