This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
