youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
