I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
