so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
