final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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