I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
