Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
