It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
