News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
