My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
