Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
