I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
