I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night ended with taco bell and tears
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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