It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
