I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just found a bag of teeth...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
