He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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