it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
