I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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