My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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