Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
