never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
