Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
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My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
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I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.