Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask