she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.