dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard