my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕