don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.