That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
