Do you still have your period?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
