I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
false alarm, still single
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
