Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
