Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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