Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
