I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
