I hate all girls vehemently.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
