He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
