we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
