Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize