just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
