The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
