My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
