weddingsv make me drug and hornr
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize