I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
