then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
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I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
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Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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