He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
