too bad you live with your parents still
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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