Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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