my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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