i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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