You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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