He kissed a someone with a penis
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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