FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
