i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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