i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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