There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You're a waste of cheezeits
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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