There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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