Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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