i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
