I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
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He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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